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Lieutenant Columbo was standing in front of Chief Bogo’s desk. Columbo was a rather shabby and unkempt-looking human, with a raincoat that looked like they were worn for decades, as well as a messy hair, as if he had been in bed for a very long time and never bothered to brush it. To the people around him, he was some clumsy, and slow-witted lieutenant who made them wonder how in the world he was even promoted in the first place.
Yet, behind that facade was a human with exceptional intellect, observation skills, and great tenacity. Known for irritating and harassing criminals to the point where they would give incriminating statements to him in the hopes of making him go away, he had proven to the Zootopia Police Department that he was more than just some strange furless one who somehow adapted to the world of anthropomorphic animals.
So, when Chief Bogo summoned Columbo to his office, he looked at him with interest.
“Well, chief,” Columbo said, his New York accent evident, “I believe that this case has been solved.”
“Good. Which one?”
“... Yes.”
“Which one, Columbo?”
“All of them.”
Chief Bogo’s eyes widened, his body froze at Columbo’s nonchalant response for a few seconds before he stammered. “You were assigned a single case! How in the…?”
“You hired me to catch criminals, sir. And I delivered."
“Well, yes, but, I-I didn’t mean like all of the criminals. Can you give me some examples?”
“Well, let’s see here…”
Columbo recalled the one time where he encountered Nick Wilde, who, along with Finnick, were plotting a scheme in order to gain some popsicles, with Finnick pretending to be a baby in a carriage. Nick frowned at Columbo, feeling really tired of his constant harassment and irritating questions. And just as Columbo was about to turn and leave, he raised his right hand and said, “Just one more thing, Mr. Wilde.”
Nick stopped and groaned, his ears and tail drooping as Columbo approached him once more. “What do you want now, pal?”
“Ya know, Mr. Wilde, I just couldn’t help but notice how you managed to fool that elephant. When you went into that store, and that elephant refused you any service, you knew just how to take advantage of his weak spot. A poor little baby who just wanted one little popsicle. And yet, someone like that elephant was cruel enough to not give it to him or you.”
“Gee, that’s a great deduction you have there, Sherlock,” Nick said, rolling his eyes before he smirked smugly. “Too bad you don’t have any proof.”
“Oh, I was just getting to that. You played your role as a lovin’ and carin’ parent, and ya did it very well. Yet, in spite of how convincing that performance was, there was one thing you haven’t noticed. You and Finnick conversed with each other, thinking that I wasn’t there. And do ya wanna know who recorded the whole thing?” Columbo grabbed his tape recorder from his pocket as he smiled at Nick. “It was me.”
Nick simply stared at Columbo with his eyes widened as Columbo played the recording. Nick and Finnick’s voice was clearly heard as they went into detail about their plan of deceiving the elephant into giving them popsicles.
Finnick’s teether dropped when his mouth gaped open. The jig was up. Realizing that, Nick tightened his grip on the handle as he glared at Columbo. Eventually, though, Judy managed to convince the ZPD to let Nick help her solve the conspiracy that was going on in Zootopia.
Columbo also recalled the time when he met Dawn Bellwether at her office. Dawn’s plan was all coming together. She had managed to turn the entire population of prey and predators against each other. Judy thought she was trustworthy, that foolish little bunny. She actually thought Mayor Lionheart was the one responsible. Thanks to her unknowingly inflammatory comments about predators, Judy resigned and Nick refused to become her partner. It was all going according to plan. Now that with them out of the way, she could finally rule Zootopia in pe-
The door opened and Columbo said, “Good evening, Ms. Bellwether.” She gasped loudly as he made a calming hand gesture. “I’m very sorry, Ms. Bellwether, this will only take a few moments. I know how busy you are.”
As soon as he closed the door, Bellwether laughed nervously. “O-oh, no, it’s, uh… really no trouble at all. W-what can I do you for, Lieutenant Columbo?”
“Please, Ms. Bellwether, just Columbo. No need for formalities. Just one question I wanna ask ya.”
Bellwether hoped it would be the last. Earlier, Columbo inquired her about the species war that was going on in Zootopia. At first, it seemed very easy. Columbo seemed confused, yet polite and pleasant. She thought that was going to be the only visit. Yet, he kept coming back just to ask ‘one more thing’, thus provoking her to the point where she was about to give away her entire plan, and then destroy her entire office in her rant. Yet, she immediately calmed herself and pretended that everything was fine. So, when Columbo barged in there unannounced, she hid her frustration with a kind smile. “Oh, of course, Columbo. Go right ahead.”
Columbo scratched the back of his head, as if he had lost something. “I was just wonderin’... Judy lost her carrot and I was wonderin’ if you can help me out. Have you seen where it was?”
Bellwether didn’t expect that question, but it released the tension in her shoulders, which she tried to hide by blinking and darting her eyes. “O-oh, um… I was sure Judy had one in her pocket. Maybe she left it at home? I’m sorry, Columbo, I wish I could help, but I can’t.”
He gave a curt nod and waved at her with a smile. “I see… Sorry for taking your time.” After he left, Bellwether sighed in relief and grinned devilishly. So Judy forgot her carrot as well? She really was such a dumb bunny. Well, now with that carrot tape gone, she could finally relax and rule over Zootopia. It was a good thing she had that case too. Otherwise, Nick, Judy and Columbo would’ve gotten their hands on that gun she was using.
She grabbed that case from underneath her desk and placed it on the table. As soon as she opened it, however, her world turned upside down. The gun was gone. “W-what!? No… no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening. This can’t be HAPPENING!!”
She got out of her desk and ran to the door. When she left, she gasped at the sight of Nick and Judy standing there, grinning at her. “Hello, Mayor Bellwether,” said Judy as she showed her her carrot. “Forgot this?”
“J-Judy!? W-wha-? How did you-?”
“Ah, so that’s where it was,” said Columbo as he approached Bellwether. “It was right in Judy’s pocket the whole time.”
Bellwether shook, shaking her head frantically. “N-no… How… how did you…?”
“How did I retrieve that gun you may ask?” Columbo replied. “I’ll tell ya.” He showed her her paint gun that was in the plastic wrap. “You know, in a way, I must congratulate ya. You rose to the top and did not leave any kind of trace. See, when we had our little conversation, you had grown so irritated that when I asked ya one more thing, you handed me that key to that safe, hoping that I would go away. You were confident that your case wouldn’t be there. But the thing is, I already found the case the whole time, thanks to Nick and Judy. After we took a look at it, I realized that this was exactly the gun you used to turn all the predators in Zootopia feral. But that wasn’t the only thing you did well. You lured Judy and Nick into a trap, misdirecting them into thinking that this conspiracy was made by that lion mayor himself. I’ve managed to place that case back to your safe, so that you believed I didn’t find it.”
“And that’s not all. Because, while all of that war was going on, I came up with a plan. Judy would make some… rather, rude stuff about predators in the press conference, and Nick would pretend to get offended to the point where he would tell her that he would never get to be her partner. It all helped in luring you out. And while you were in your office, shouting how you got away with all of it, I was the one who told Judy to record what you said in secret with her carrot. Ms. Hopps, if you please.”
“With pleasure.” Judy played the recording as she smirked.
Bellwether’s voice was heard saying, “Finally! My ingenious plan has been fulfilled! That dumb bunny, Judy, actually thought it was Mayor Lionheart who turned the prey and predators against each other! Hahahaha! Who would’ve thought that she would be stupid enough to think that I didn’t turn the predators into feral beasts so they could attack the prey species! I am such a genius!”
While the recording played, Bellwether’s hands shook as she glared at Columbo. “You… you little…”
“Gotcha,” said Nick.
Bellwether then screeched like a little girl throwing a tantrum.
And finally, there was this case when Columbo seemed to get along with Pawbert quite well. However, little did Nick, Judy and Pawbert realize that Pawbert had a poison injector hidden in his pocket in his fluffy coat. He managed to fool Pawbert by bumping into him, literally, and the two apologizing, making Pawbert distracted enough for Columbo to grab that injector without him noticing.
Some time later, Judy, Gary and Pawbert were at the control room. After Nick and Nibbles made it inside the weather wall, Judy sighed in relief while Pawbert simply stared blankly as she said, “Whew… Sorry. Last case was uh… a bit of a twist.”
Pawbert gently placed his hand on her left shoulder. “I know.” He then tried to inject the poison on her neck. But then, he noticed that he didn’t have it in his hand at all. His ears perked and his eyes widened. “Huh? Wha-?”
Judy cocked her head. “Pawbert?”
“N-no! No, no, no, I-”
“Ah, so you weren’t on our side after all,” Columbo said as he entered the room, smiling. “I knew somethin’ about ya was off. You wanted to destroy that patent so you can gain your family’s love and acceptance. That’s why you went out of your way to gain our trust by trying to help us out.”
“B-but, how did- H-how did-” Pawbert stammered.
“And do you wanna know somethin’ else? You did all of that brilliantly. You had to do all of it to polish the Lynxley Family’s reputation and get them out of prison. But ya didn’t realize that Nick himself was the one who had that carrot the whole time. When the Lynxley Family told them to say that Gary the snake was the one who attacked them and to ‘keep their mouth shut’, they didn’t realize that Nick was the one who recorded them. I simply offered Nick that idea and it worked in our favor.”
“B-but w-what about the patent!?”
“Ah, yes. That one. You, Pawbert, saw Gary’s letter and devised a plan to have that patent destroyed. So, ya had Gary smuggled in to steal that journal as part of your plan to destroy that evidence. Unfortunately, in doing so, you have given away your desperation. Rather than let Zootopia’s secret history remain hidden, you had inadvertently exposed the truth and helped me and Gary out. And I would like to thank him, Judy, Nick, Nibbles and the police officers for playing along in this charade.”
“C-charade!?” Pawbert looked at Judy’s grin.
“It’s called a hustle, sweetheart,” she remarked.
“Well,” Nick said as he, Nibbles and two police officers entered, “you were right, carrots. This case was a bit of a twist.”
Pawbert glared at Columbo, growling. “You… you tricked me! I’ll kill you… And that dirtbag fox, and that dumb bunny, and all of ZPD with it!”
As soon as Pawbert lunged at him, the officers shot him with darts, knocking him unconscious as he began snoring.
And that was Columbo’s whole story. “So, what does that make? 2? 1, maybe?”
Bogo gaped his mouth open and hesitated for a few seconds before he responded, “That makes 4, Columbo. You have just captured all 4 criminals in a single day! I didn’t realize it was you who helped Nick and Judy solve the remaining three cases! You are a genius!” Bogo said, smiling as he stood, looking at Columbo like a fanboy.
Columbo chuckled and waved his hand dismissively. “Ah, no, sir. I wouldn’t go that far. Matter of fact, I couldn’t figure out why there were no dogs or apes in Zootopia. And I still can’t figure out why Nick and Judy would not admit they’re in love with each other.”
“Hmmm, that is true. But still, you just saved the entire city of Zootopia! You are promoted! In fact, I shall make you the next chief of the ZPD!”
“Thanks, chief, but I'll stick to being a lieutenant from now on.”
“Oh, but I insist, Columbo! I’ll have you sign our uniforms!”
“No, no, I’m sorry, chief. How about you give Nick and Judy a promotion? They deserve it after all.”
“Deal!” He gave Columbo a strong handshake.
Eventually, Nick and Judy got promoted to the same rank as Columbo’s, and together, they would help each other solve cases, and deceive criminals into incriminating themselves. Their cases, along with the revelation that Nick and Judy are more than friends, made national headlines, with many anthropomorphic animals surprised to see that a human even entered the Zootopia world in the first place.
But it didn’t matter with Columbo. In the end, it was all in a day’s work for him.